I'm trembling before my mission
by Nelxis
Summary: Haruka has a hard time dealing with everything she's been through. HMTC June 2015


**A/N: This is an AU for Stars where Kinmoku and Earth switch places: Only three of the Solar System Senshi are alive and they end up on Kinmoku on their search for Usagi.**

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Haruka leaned against the tree and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and filled her lungs with the fresh air. She didn't like the smell of this place. It was too sweet for her. In fact, she hated the whole place. Haruka would've much rather been at home, watching movies with her family. But that was not an option, not anymore.

She heard someone approaching, but she was really not in the mood to talk to anyone, so she kept her eyes closed. The steps stopped right next to the tree, and for a moment there was nothing but silence.

"Are you just going to mope here and do nothing?" Minako asked finally. Haruka opened her eyes but said nothing.

"Do you seriously think you're the only one who is grieving?" Minako continued when she refused to speak.

"Well why can't you just let me grief in peace?" Haruka mumbled and looked away from Minako.

"You've had plenty of time to do that. Ever since we left Earth, you've been impossible to deal with! At least we try to do something useful while all you do is do nothing," Minako said angrily. She clenched her fist and walked to Haruka's other side to look at her face.

"Leave me alone. Nobody asked you to work with me," Haruka said. She was really not in the mood for this.

"We're on the same side! Usually you're the one who keeps going on about how important our missions are, yet now you refuse to even acknowledge this one! Where is the Haruka Tenoh I used to know? All I see right now is a coward who won't-"

Minako's words got cut off as Haruka's palm landed on her cheek. She raised her hand up and touched the red spot. Before Haruka knew it, Minako had returned the slap with equal force.

"Fuck off, Minako," Haruka growled, holding her cheek.

"You have no right to speak to me like that," the shorter blonde said. Haruka felt her blood boiling.

"What makes you think that? You're not my leader. In fact, I should have never taken orders from you in the first place. If it weren't for you, the others might still be alive," Haruka spat out. Minako pushed her against the tree.

"How is this my fault? I'm not the one running around the galaxy, killing innocent people!" she snapped at Haruka. The taller girl pushed her away.

"You told me to come with you! If I had stayed, I could have protected them!"

"You would have died, just like them! Is that what you want?" Minako asked. Haruka jumped at her and tackled her to the ground. She had had enough.

"Yes! I would rather be dead with Michiru than be stuck here with you!" she shouted at Minako. The girl kicked her side and flipped them around. Despite her small appearance, Minako was surprisingly strong.

"Shut up! I don't care what you do with your life once this is all over! But until we find our princess, you will do as I say because that seems to be the only way to stop you from sulking!" she said, grabbing Haruka's shirt.

"It's easy for you to speak! I lost my whole family. You still have Ami. You don't need me," Haruka said and threw Minako on the ground.

"Easy? You think you're the only one having a hard time here? Do you seriously think I don't blame myself for my friends' deaths? I had to hold Jupiter as she died. You have no idea how horrible it feels like!" Minako screamed. Haruka could've sworn she saw a few tears in her eyes, but before she could think any more about it, Minako had jumped back at her and was now trying to punch her.

"At least you got to be with her! I only got a glimpse of Michiru before she faded away!" Haruka defended herself and grabbed Minako's wrist. She flipped the girl against the ground and managed to hit her shoulder before she slapped Haruka again, this time on the other cheek. This time it was Haruka's turn to grab Minako by her shirt, but in the process their heads banged together. Minako tore Haruka's hands off of herself and pushed her further away.

The two of them continued to wrestle on the ground, not caring about the dirt getting on their hair and clothes. They needed this. They needed someone to act as a punching bag as they let out their frustrations. Fighting enemies wasn't enough. Those fights never got as dirty as this. Both Haruka and Minako needed something that would hurt, something that was just them using their own strength instead of their powers.

Haruka was just about to throw Minako back on the ground when she felt someone pulling her away.

"Stop, please!" Ami pleaded as she tried to separate Minako and Haruka. She managed to pull the two apart, and Haruka fumbled to stand up. She took a good look at Minako and saw that her nose was bleeding. Ami reached over to her to check if the nose was broken. This gave Haruka a chance to take a better look at Minako. Her cheek still had a red spot on it, and Haruka could've sworn that she saw a bump forming on her forehead. But the look on her face was the one that hurt Haruka the most. Minako didn't seem to be angry, more like… disappointed. She still had some tears running down her cheeks.

Suddenly Haruka felt pain on her side. There would definitely be a bruise there later. Her cheeks were also burning, and she would also be getting a bump on her head. She probably looked like shit, but she deserved it.

Haruka watched as Ami checked Minako's injuries. At least they had each other. They were part of the same team. Haruka had nobody. She would've given anything to have Michiru here, checking to see if she was okay and telling her how stupid she was for getting into a fight.

Once Ami was done with Minako, she turned to Haruka. But before she could say anything, the blonde sprinted off. She needed to get away. She needed space. After running for what seemed like an eternity, Haruka stopped. She sat down on the ground just to realize how much in pain she actually was, both physically and mentally.

Haruka dug out a crumbled picture from her pocket. It was the only thing she had left of her family and her home at Earth. She brushed her thumb over Michiru's smiling face. The photo had been taken a little after they had adopted Hotaru, who had been just a baby back then. Hell, she had been just a child when she died. It wasn't fair. Haruka looked at the small bundle in Michiru's arms. Seeing them all as a happy family was like torture. Haruka would've given anything to hold Hotaru again or to hear Setsuna nag about the dirty clothes Haruka left around the house. She would have given anything to just kiss Michiru once more.

Haruka put the picture back into her pocket. She stopped trying to hold back the tears, and just let herself cry. Minako's words played in her head over and over again. "I don't care what you do with your life once this is all over". Haruka knew they had to find the princess. Then she would be free.


End file.
